recap of the producer's cut of the dinner party from hell

the producer's cut of the dinner party from hell began with a clever replacement of the ladies' usual quotes with the most profound offensive statements the ladies made during the dinner party from hell.  it was a nice touch.

we saw Camille, D.D. and Allison pregame with cocktails the size of Shana's mouth ... and then imbibe with the rest of the guests upon their arrival. between the pregame cocktails and the limo rides to the dinner party, it was painfully obvious both ladies (Kyle and Camille) had a hand in attempting to set the other up.  and both of them knew what the other was up to - it was uncanny how quickly the word "setup" rolled off their tongues - almost as if each of them had primed themselves with the word ahead of time).

Lisa got in an extra snarky comment to make the sidekick laugh out loud ("oops, it's been canceled" about the show Medium).

the ladies were faux-graciously received upon arrival, and they responded in insincere kind.  Kyle, Shana, and Lisa plotted to test the medium (hate to ruin the surprise - but she failed with flying colors).  Camille seated her sidekicks beside her and the rest of the ladies found seats beyond the buffer.

Allison asked Kim what she was drinking, to which Kim replied that she had had about 4 cokes.  Allison then declared that Kim was far too happy to have been drinking cokes (at no point did Kim actually look happy - okay with one fleeting exception).  Allison backpedaled and told Kim that she liked her.  Kim, perhaps in an attempt to see the best in Allison or perhaps because she was just so relieved that someone had finally decided to say something nice to her, smiled and told Allison she liked her too - her vibe and energy.  and then, it was searingly painful to watch Kim's happy expression (presumably because someone was finally being nice to her, or pretending to be) fade into a skeptical smile as Allison began spouting nonsense ... and then the smile eventually degraded into open-mouthed awe (i would have to watch it again, but i think this happened right about the time when Allison declared, "it's nice to be in control of your annihilation."  the sidekick is getting a vision that Allison was far too crazy to have only been drinking coke - but then, we already know she was taking her vodka by IV that night).  Allison then calmly and rationally explained, "i'm a secretary to the dead" (in response to what, i'm not certain).

Camille obviously pretended not to know who Faye was before psychically recalling seeing Faye naked on playboy after the OJ trial.  Camille uttered a backhanded compliment about enjoying Faye's spread.  Faye and Camille argued the subtleties of porn - apparently, there are fine distinctions that the classy porn models/porn stars are privy to that distinguish them from the trashy ones.

the electronic cigarette, of course, made its appearance .. and we heard Adrienne declare it obnoxious, but Camille defended Allison's decision.  apparently the classy thing to do is not to refrain from smoking (anything) at a dinner party - the appropriate behavior is, instead, to smoke something electronic so that you yourself only inhale vapor instead of smoke.  insert jedi mind trick here.  now it makes sense.

Faye, Shana, and Lisa begged for a reading for Lisa.  Allison had clearly done her homework on british stereotypes - she declared that Lisa was stingy with her emotions (they must have edited out the part in which Allison told Lisa that Lisa's dead great uncle told her that Lisa had bad teeth).  Allison could feel the presence of Lisa's grandmother who raised Lisa ... or the mother that Lisa had needed ... or the mother that Lisa visited occasionally ... or the mother that Lisa only communicated with via letters and had never met ... or ...

Allison reminded us that she was studied for years by quacks who are not acquainted with the scientific method, and these quacks declared her sane psychic.  the part in which she tells you to look her up on wikipedia must have gotten edited out - i'm sure she didn't neglect to mention her wikipedia article because it is chock full of reasons to think she is an opportunistic fraud who capitalizes on less advantaged grieving people.

RHOBH lie detector

i had so much fun detecting Cedric's lies that i decided to watch a couple more interviews and play lie detector test.

let's start with the drunken antisocial train wreck pretending to be a medium (yes, Allison DuBois).  in an interview, she describes how accurate she thinks the show Medium is to her life.  in particular, she talks about how she and her daughter (on both an episode of the show and, allegedly, in real life) could see a child who had died (but appeared to everyone else to be an imaginary friend).  supposedly, they could both see the child because they were mediums.  but, oh, she is just too freaking easy.  before each of the big whoppers she tells, her eyes shoot up and to the left.  at 33 seconds into the clip, glance up to the left just before saying the imaginary friend was really a child who had died.  at 37 seconds, glance up to the left just before saying, "fortunately, i could see the child."  (also, looks like she was lying at 1:03 when she talks about how it was her idea for the episode for which Patricia Arquette won the Emmy - eyes go up to the left a few times while she constructs the story).
verdict: big fat liar

next, i looked to the reunion to see how many lies i could detect - we'll see how many of the issues get additional treatment in the lost footage ... that way, i can really test out whether my lie detector performs better than chance.  ok ... based on eye gaze, facial gestures, and body movements, the sidekick has identified statements that seemed to have high, moderate, and low likelihoods of being lies.  i've left out comments from Ken and Lisa because they will have their own lie detector post - they were quite difficult to read and need a bit more space than others.

the following statements from the reunion shows seemed to have a moderately high to high probability of being lies:

reunion, part 2

all the respect in the world to Kyle and Kim for choosing to keep very personal issues private.  best wishes to them for deep healing and reconciliation.

in general news, Kim revealed that she did not remember Kyle saying what Camille had accused her of saying (and let's be honest, Kim's memory has been impressive in the footage that was shown).  the only trouble: Kyle was shaking her head (in the no-ward direction) while Kim was speaking.  sidekick powers are suggesting Kyle was shaking her head because of a "too little too late" sentiment ... but could be taken to mean Kim was not telling the truth.  sidekick powers suggest if Kim were being untruthful, though, Kyle or Camille might have stepped in.  the behavior was a bit puzzling.

Adrienne made so many sweet, subtle, supportive gestures toward Kim - heartwarming.  love Adrienne.  all the appreciation in the world for Adrienne for the way that she calmly and kindly sticks up for others.  though even Adrienne couldn't hide the awkwardness of the suggestion of setting Kim up with one of her brothers.  is the sidekick the only one who doesn't think Kim's problems will be solved by another man?  she needs love, trust, and companionship ... but also needs to feel like she has a good enough handle on her sense of self before plunging into a romantic relationship. at least she seems to have reconsidered having the other housewives set her up (and i do mean set her up).

Camille Grammer's Sidekick

 what really happened at Camille's dinner party?

Camille, Camille, Camille, what was with your "psychic"? your medium was obviously faking her gifts one way or the other: she could have truly had gifts but got everything wrong at the party because you conspired with her ahead of time and she got her lies mixed up ... or she had not gifts at all and got everything wrong at the party because you conspired with her ahead of time and she got her lies mixed up.  either way, what a failure of a production.

here's what my psychic abilities tell me happened:
Camille wanted to prove to the other ladies and to America that she was sweet and innocent and really had been attacked by her perceived bully, Kyle.  but what a dilemma - the cameras didn't catch the real conversation.  it is she said, she said.  so, to whom could Camille appeal to provide the definitive evidence that she was right and Kyle was wrong?  Camille decided to appeal to a "psychic."  enter self-important drunken train wreck with a cigarette.  now, Camille had a plan.  she would invite the ladies over for a dinner party.  the medium would be present, and she banked on the fact that the other ladies would find the medium to be an interesting topic of conversation.  she hoped the ladies would be interested and want to hear something about themselves.  Camille carefully instructed the medium to wait until Kyle asked before providing scathing information to Kyle.  there was a slight hiccup with the plan - Camille did not want responsibility for inviting a rude guest.  so how could she maintain an image as a sweet hostess while at the same time allowing one guest to attack another?  it would have to seem as though the medium were not completely in control of herself.  how to make someone not fully responsible for their own behavior?  lots and lots of alcohol!

Camille wanted to make sure it didn't seem too contrived (or rather, wanted to make sure the situation did not seem as contrived as it truly was), so she had to take a few precautions.  she pretended that the medium was there as a guest, not an employee (the phrase "not on the clock" was tossed around far too often to have been unrehearsed and natural).  this way, if the medium ended up using her "gifts," it would not be Camille's fault ... and any bullying information coming from the use of the medium's "gifts" would, likewise, not be Camille's fault.  Camille would pretend that she never intended for the medium to user her "gfits."  she even rehearsed a story to tell about the dinner party after it happened: with a very poor and unconvincing delivery, Camille insisted that Kyle "begged" for the reading.  it was not true, of course, because Kyle's actual words were "what does that mean?" when the sidekick said, "don't tempt me."  the medium was attempting to bait the others (Kyle specifically) into asking for a reading ... and she was waiting for Kyle to chip in before she went ahead with one.  it was not Kyle who originally asked for a reading.  Kyle was set up.  even after the medium attempted to bait Kyle into asking, Kyle asked whether the medium couldn't say something that was not nasty.  but silly Kyle, of course not.  the whole reason the medium was there was to attack you.

Camille also went out of her way to make sure her guests knew ahead of time that the medium had problems controlling herself when she drank (and pretended to hope that the medium wouldn't get out of control when, truly, she was planning for the medium to act out of control -if you have any doubts, watch the clip in which the medium indulges a freakish, nonsensical monologue about being bad in a controlled setting rather than being good because they aren't supposed to be good).  then, Camille served especially large and strong drinks.  if a sweet, caring hostess were truly concerned that a guest had behavioral problems when drinking, why would she go out of her way to overly intoxicate her guests?  the answer is, of course, that the whole situation was a set-up and Camille was actually (poorly) attempting to convince everyone around her that the events that would transpire were simply due to unanticipated factors: Camille could pretend she was just as shocked as everyone else that the medium had said nasty things about Kyle.  then Camille could reason ("in retrospect" of course) that Kyle had begged for the reading, the medium had imbibed too much, and everything had gotten out of hand.  and then, Camille had hoped, she would also get to point out that the medium said the same things about Kyle that she (Camille) had said.  then - BAM! - nailed.  Camille could win this fight once and for all.  the psychic would settle it. the psychic would tell everyone that Camille was good and Kyle was bad.  it was a perfect plan in Camille's head.

but Camille really should not be producing.  her production was a complete flop.  her lead actress messed up her talking points.  the medium was supposed to tell everyone that Camille had trouble with other women because women were jealous of and catty with her ... but Camille's other sidekick had to pick up the pieces and fill in the story there when the medium got mixed up and instead declared that Kyle was the one who was more comfortable around men ... it was kind of pathetic to see Camille making desperate pleas to the inept actress (the medium): no, that's me! i'm the one who is more comfortable around men!  look at me! validate me!  you are messing everything up!  i'm the one women are catty with!  Camille was also up for the worst actress award: she smiled in a smug, self-satisfied, and indulgent manner when the medium went overboard before quickly pretending to disapprove.  she also made nasty, baseless remarks about Kyle's husband after the party and pretended that she was being sweet and fair.  this is called projection, Camille.  the fact that your own husband is a self-important jerk who has no respect for women and preys on insecure women with no self-respect before dumping them for more insecure women with no self-respect does not mean that Kyle's marriage was in trouble.  and no one's marital problems are funny ... unless you are a nasty, catty person who takes pleasure in the suffering of other women because it gives you a false and fleeting sense of security and superiority.  but Camille, weren't you trying to convince everyone that other women are catty with you?  the way to do that is not to bare your cattiness to others.  my psychic powers strongly suggest that you confront the reasons that you have been forced into a position in which you think your only outlet for your negative emotions is to be catty (and to misdirect your legitimate negative emotions toward people who don't deserve them and away from the people who do).  until you do this, i predict that you will always be lonely and miserable and desperately clinging to superficial means of validating yourself.  and finally - when you know that you have gone to considerable trouble to set someone else up, and you proceed to accuse Kyle of turning the dinner into a set up, this is also called projection.  unless, of course, you were aware of what you were doing and you were frustrated that your set up was failing and you, nonetheless, wanted to make Kyle look like the bad guy and thought that accusing her of setting you up would make her look bad and you look good ... because in that situation, it is called being catty.  either way, the truth was that Kyle was surprised and pleased to get your invitation, went out of her way to change her plans because she thought that you two were putting the past misunderstanding behind you, and entered your set up innocently and with good intentions.  and you used her to promote your own image (kind of like how some "important" men use the women they are with to promote their own images).  that is what a bully does, Camille.  my psychic powers indicate that you are a sensitive person and that, when you are not upset, you do not want to be a bully.  at the same time, my psychic powers are also telling me that you forget to feel compassion when you yourself are feeling wounded.  it is time for you to address these issues.  if you want to heal yourself, you are going to need some healing relationships.

okay ... and finally ... were there any doubt that the whole dinner party was a flopped production, just look at how Camille makes the "cut" motion to the Allison DuBois to try to get her to stop.  the danger of directing and starring in your own production is that sometimes that can let the whole production become overly self-indulgent.