Monday, March 28, 2011

Kyle Richards pregnant?

the sidekick has caught a psychic glimpse into kyle's private life ... and it appears that kyle richards is pregnant again.  (ahem, that or the sidekick has inferred from an article on reality tea that kyle looks like she is showing off ultrasound pictures).  either way, looks like kyle has found a way to try to worm her way back into our hearts.

kyle, i tried to give you the benefit of the doubt.  but you are either really, really mentally challenged to be so unable to see through shana despite the mountains of evidence that she is an opportunistic fraud who happily sunk her teeth into kim's jugular ... or kyle is not that challenged, but instead was in cahoots with shana.  either way, are you bringing a baby on board to convince us to love you again?  we'll see how that goes...

as a helpful hint, i hear adrienne is soliciting godchildren.  you should totally hit her up.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

bravo's Miss Psychotic Pageant

it's that time of the year again - the annual bravo Miss Psychotic Pageant is upon us.  so today i would like to introduce you to the first two contestants.

our first contestant is a sharp-tongued "medium" hailing from Arizona, whose signature look is a white knit cardigan.  her talent involves rapidly making vulgar gestures with her hands.  in her spare time, she enjoys talking to dead people, collecting rubies and diamonds in garbage bins, and watching carnivores (honey, did you mean cannibals?) kill each other to feed their young. she is very active in the Rent-A-Psychotic (oops ... i mean psychic) charity, whose employees regularly provide free "readings" at lavish dinner parties in the LA area. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome: Allison DuBois.

our second contestant is a happy-go-lucky New Yorker with a real love for metaphors.  her talent is rainbows, and in her spare time, this contestant enjoys ingesting mind-altering substances, from excessive sugar to a mystery substance that makes her smell like cat pee.  she also enjoys pursuing the ever elusive mental breakthrough and making lemonade.  her charity is the Parentification Society, an organization that teaches basic life skills to young children with ineffective parents (e.g., pancake making).  we look forward to the evening wear competition, where we are sure to see this contestant sporting a satchel of gold.  please put your hands together for Kelly Killoren Bensimon.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

recap of the producer's cut of the dinner party from hell

the producer's cut of the dinner party from hell began with a clever replacement of the ladies' usual quotes with the most profound offensive statements the ladies made during the dinner party from hell.  it was a nice touch.

we saw Camille, D.D. and Allison pregame with cocktails the size of Shana's mouth ... and then imbibe with the rest of the guests upon their arrival. between the pregame cocktails and the limo rides to the dinner party, it was painfully obvious both ladies (Kyle and Camille) had a hand in attempting to set the other up.  and both of them knew what the other was up to - it was uncanny how quickly the word "setup" rolled off their tongues - almost as if each of them had primed themselves with the word ahead of time).

Lisa got in an extra snarky comment to make the sidekick laugh out loud ("oops, it's been canceled" about the show Medium).

the ladies were faux-graciously received upon arrival, and they responded in insincere kind.  Kyle, Shana, and Lisa plotted to test the medium (hate to ruin the surprise - but she failed with flying colors).  Camille seated her sidekicks beside her and the rest of the ladies found seats beyond the buffer.

Allison asked Kim what she was drinking, to which Kim replied that she had had about 4 cokes.  Allison then declared that Kim was far too happy to have been drinking cokes (at no point did Kim actually look happy - okay with one fleeting exception).  Allison backpedaled and told Kim that she liked her.  Kim, perhaps in an attempt to see the best in Allison or perhaps because she was just so relieved that someone had finally decided to say something nice to her, smiled and told Allison she liked her too - her vibe and energy.  and then, it was searingly painful to watch Kim's happy expression (presumably because someone was finally being nice to her, or pretending to be) fade into a skeptical smile as Allison began spouting nonsense ... and then the smile eventually degraded into open-mouthed awe (i would have to watch it again, but i think this happened right about the time when Allison declared, "it's nice to be in control of your annihilation."  the sidekick is getting a vision that Allison was far too crazy to have only been drinking coke - but then, we already know she was taking her vodka by IV that night).  Allison then calmly and rationally explained, "i'm a secretary to the dead" (in response to what, i'm not certain).

Camille obviously pretended not to know who Faye was before psychically recalling seeing Faye naked on playboy after the OJ trial.  Camille uttered a backhanded compliment about enjoying Faye's spread.  Faye and Camille argued the subtleties of porn - apparently, there are fine distinctions that the classy porn models/porn stars are privy to that distinguish them from the trashy ones.

the electronic cigarette, of course, made its appearance .. and we heard Adrienne declare it obnoxious, but Camille defended Allison's decision.  apparently the classy thing to do is not to refrain from smoking (anything) at a dinner party - the appropriate behavior is, instead, to smoke something electronic so that you yourself only inhale vapor instead of smoke.  insert jedi mind trick here.  now it makes sense.

Faye, Shana, and Lisa begged for a reading for Lisa.  Allison had clearly done her homework on british stereotypes - she declared that Lisa was stingy with her emotions (they must have edited out the part in which Allison told Lisa that Lisa's dead great uncle told her that Lisa had bad teeth).  Allison could feel the presence of Lisa's grandmother who raised Lisa ... or the mother that Lisa had needed ... or the mother that Lisa visited occasionally ... or the mother that Lisa only communicated with via letters and had never met ... or ...

Allison reminded us that she was studied for years by quacks who are not acquainted with the scientific method, and these quacks declared her sane psychic.  the part in which she tells you to look her up on wikipedia must have gotten edited out - i'm sure she didn't neglect to mention her wikipedia article because it is chock full of reasons to think she is an opportunistic fraud who capitalizes on less advantaged grieving people.

rubies and diamonds

with half an hour left until the producer's cut of the dinner party from hell, the sidekick is getting visions of rubies and diamonds.  and feeling bittersweetness as the arguably best season of real housewives really draws to a close.  until the bonus footage gets posted on bravo.  and then it is really over.  and then we have to think about learning to love another housewives franchise ...

real popularity of RHOBH

Okay, first, thanks to all for participating in the RHOBH popularity poll!

originally, i was hoping it might show that even if Kim wasn't most people's favorite, it didn't necessarily mean she was less popular than Kyle (as the polls on WWHL and reality tea seemed to suggest).  but what i think happened is that i put my poll up later and the public opinion tides had shifted.  so i didn't at all get the same results as the earlier polls (of course, it is possible that because i had so many fewer responses, my results aren't representative of the population in general - it is possible that people who favor Kim were more likely to come to my site than people who don't ... but i do kind of think maybe the change in RHOBH favorites might be real - these results seem consistent w/what i've been reading lately anyway).

so what are the results?

earlier, people were looking at the poll that asked people to vote for their favorite - and then inferring that the people who had the most votes were more popular than people with fewer votes (and of course, in a sense it is true - it just depends on how you define popularity.  but not having a lot of votes in that poll wouldn't necessarily mean that one is not popular, though - see previous post).  so i tried to replicate the poll here and show that someone might still be liked fairly well, even if not many people call them a favorite.  to some extent (especially with Camille), that seemed to happen.  in other cases, though, the people with the most favorite votes were also the people who were liked better than others, and vice versa.  after looking at the results, the order of popularity from the poll on this site was:

Kim, Adrienne, Lisa, Camille, Kyle, Shana

Kim has the most number of people thinking she is their favorite.  not only that, but when looking at how everyone (even people who don't consider her their favorite) ranked Kim relative to each of the other ladies, Kim was liked more than any other lady (yes, in some case(s), the term "lady" is used loosely).  Kim is liked by almost everyone, disliked by almost none.

Adrienne was slightly less popular than Kim (she had the second highest number of people calling her their favorite and she was liked better than each of the other ladies, aside from Kim).  almost everyone liked Adrienne and almost no one disliked her.

Lisa was third in the number of people who chose her as their favorite, and Lisa was liked better than Camille, Kyle, and Shana.  about half of the voters like Lisa, and less than a quarter of voters disliked her ... suggesting Lisa is generally (but not nearly universally) liked.  it also suggests she is a little bit polarizing - there were a sizable number of people choosing her as their favorite ... but also a sizable number of people who didn't like her.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

bad acting in the limo

bravo has released the preview in which the ladies view an inappropriate picture of Camille in the limo.  and can i just say, kyle, you were a terrible actress!  you were going for shocked i assume ... instead, you hit "we-planned-this-nastiness-ahead-of-time-and-i-can-only-hope-the-picture-is-so-shocking-you-won't-know-from-my-bad-acting-that-we-planned-it-in-advance". fail.

the clip shows Faye passing around the phone - well - holding the phone up for all to see, showing Shana the picture and passing the phone to Kyle (ahem, didn't Kyle state during the reunion that she (Kyle) had started this, not Faye?  or did she just say that it was she (Kyle) who showed the pics to everyone else? either way, deceptive) ... and then Kyle ripped Camille apart saying that Camille thinks everything is a set up ... Kyle, your conscience called.  it misses you.

character assassination.  Camille is delusional and paranoid, don't believe anything she says.  Kim has substance abuse problems and is, therefore, crazy.  don't believe her either.  i'm an unfortunate victim.  it worked for a while ... and despite how very, very, very much i want to like Kyle ... there are no excuses.  had it been a spontaneous porn fest, it still would not have been a good or classy thing to do ... but people would relate to the desire to do something like that to someone who just made rude comments about your friend's playboy sessions.  but there is no way this was spontaneous ... so Kyle, were you and Faye, in fact, baiting Camille all through the dinner?

buying our love?

oh Shana, are you trying to buy our affections?  really?

Shana is holding a contest to pick the grammy winners ... and you could win a season swag bag for guessing correctly.  Shana, if i win, could i exchange my swag bag for a genuine apology to Kim?  you know, maybe a one to two page essay in which you (1) admit what you did, (2) explain why you did it, (3) explain why it was wrong, (4) express that you are sorry you did it, and (5) explain what you will do in the future so as to work very hard to not repeat the offense.  500 words. typed.  double spaced.

i don't have children yet, but if my hypothetical little dear ones ever transgress, i will calmly ask them these questions before they leave time out ... and then i'll tell them i love them.  maybe you should sit in time out until you are ready to write your essay.  and maybe when you are done, i, and perhaps others, would try to forgive you.  until then, i'm afraid your material goods cannot win over my heart.  no hand-wavy-jedi-magic-distract-us-from-what-happened-tricks are going to distract us from your horrific treatment of Kim.

(by the way, time out means you sit on the time out stool and think about what you have done.  that's it.  though, i know someone who has an even more extreme form of time out (reserved for really, really bad behavior).  it's called Amish lockdown.  basically, during the lockdown, if the Amish aren't allowed to do it, neither are you.  you might try it).

Jill Zarin, omniscient

after gaining a great deal of notoriety by persecuting Bethenny in the last season of the real housewives of new york, i'm wondering whether Jill Zarin has reformed ... if for no other reason than to save her public image and sell more stuff.  the sidekick is getting a vision ... yes ... getting clearer now.  can we expect to see a reformed Jill Zarin?  the answer is .... sit tight, there is still more wretched or disingenuous behavior to come.  from the goings in in the twitter universe, she appears to be plugging away (literally - she has many wares to peddle) ... and continues to be quite tight with Kelly (um, joking aside - i really do truly hope Kelly got some help ... the end of last season was just not at all a pretty sight ... professional help was obviously needed ... and though i'm sure it made for great ratings, she is a human being and i would really find it incredibly sick if they signed her up for more tv time when she was clearly not at all in a state to do it).  but anyway, let's get back to jill in all her glory and omniscience.

Jill tweeted:
Any good new housewife blogs for me to read? I missed reunion and finale last week. I like to read your perspectives. I will RT if good!

setting aside the issue, of course, that Jill has appointed herself supreme judge of whose blogged opinions are "good," Jill didn't retweet any of the approx. 9 blogs that were sent to her (yes, i sent her this one ... but no, i guess i didn't really expect her to plug my conspiracy theories and consternation for villains .. (cough, cough Shana) ... but a girl could hope for a diverse blog following ;).  nonetheless, because i was so very irritated that the supreme judge of all that is good and holy failed to plug any of the solicited blogs, i was morally obligated to tweet a snarky comment ala @jillzarin (yeah, it was a snarky thing to do):

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

lost footage

last night's lost footage was mildly disappointing.  we found out:

Giggy is one sick little puppy with alopecia and extreme itching, whose breeder suggested putting him down while his vet gave him prescriptions instead.

Kim was devastated by the murder of her fiance, John Collett two decades ago. she and Kyle visited an opportunistic sidekick psychic who didn't hesitate for a second to convince Kim that her departed love was present in the room.  she swayed the pair with "psychic" information widely available on the internet, such as the fact that her fiance had left this world without much closure.  Kyle and Kim forgave the sidekick's psychic's blatant use of the internet with its account of the widely publicized murder-for-hire plot and/or her ability to keep up on hollywood gossip.  they also forgave her comment that John had had a crooked tooth (um ... even if he did, didn't they show her a photo?).  rather than question the psychic's assertions that they had all just witnessed Kim's other-worldly make out session, Kyle just wished Kim would find someone within the realm of the living.

while Kyle was keeping Portia company in her crib, her husband was (wasted?) and wearing an even more intoxicated gangly, blonde, morally questionable, s@#%!y female party guest around his neck.  Mauricio made googly eyes while she whispered x-rated sweet nothings in his ear.  fractions of a second before Kyle bounded at the pair like a bat out of hell, their young teenage daughter slipped under Mauricio's arm, attempting to save her parents' marriage and lure him back to fidelity.  Kyle and the drunken @#$%! exchanged heated diatribe before the latter was banished from the party.  surprisingly, Kyle directed all of her rage at the departing guest ... but none at her fully grown husband who, when left alone for a few minutes in their very own backyard, had allowed the situation to transpire.  unless, of course, bravo is holding out on us again and decided not to show the fallout.  (hmm ... makes one wonder whether Camille had any dirt on Mauricio when making the snide comment about him loving women ... or whether she just noticed he is flirty and jumped to her own conclusions ... and in either case, whether she fed that information to allison before the dinner party from hell)

Monday, February 7, 2011

juicy info re Kyle vs. Camille

okay, i need to share some very juicy (but unverified) gossip.  apparently, another blogger found out from a housewife's hairdresser that the reason that everyone has been giving evasive answers about what really happened in vegas is because of a bravo gag order.  yep, the ladies were not allowed to talk about what happened during the discussion because there was a piece of information bravo didn't want everyone to know.  apparently, what really happened was: Kyle and Camille were talking about spring break.  Kyle wanted to know why bravo was sending the only available camera crew with Camille (when Kelsey wasn't even going) instead of sending the camera crew to Mexico (given that Kyle's whole family was going to Mexico).  sooo ... maybe there was a misunderstanding: maybe Kyle didn't understand why viewers would be interested in Camille's spring break if she was just going with the kids and no one else (and maybe she didn't mean why would Camille be interesting without "big shot" Kelsey, but Camille was just sensitive about it) ... or maybe Kyle really did mean why would anyone be interested in Camille without Kelsey.

in any case, it explains a lot: it explains why Kim was so evasive when answering questions - why she couldn't seem to give a straight answer.  it explains why during the reunion, Camille seemed to accuse Kyle of asking why she (Camille) hadn't asked any of the other ladies to go on the Hawaii trip with her (to which Kyle retorted that this was the first time Camille had told this particular story).  it also explains why Camille was making strange insinuations during interviews about not being allowed to talk about certain things.  finally, it would explain why Camille would have been unsatisfied with the apology that Kyle made to her in new york.

why didn't bravo want us to know?  rumor is ... apparently ... that their budget was small ... and they didn't want us to know that?  but apparently the budget was the cause for the limitations in camera crews and filming capabilities ...

maybe the lost footage will tell us more?  in any case, to read more, my source for this juicy gossip was the sketch42 blog.

(and if anyone from bravo reads this, would you please just tell us the truth one way or the other?)

Twitter @RHSidekick