bravo's Miss Psychotic Pageant

it's that time of the year again - the annual bravo Miss Psychotic Pageant is upon us.  so today i would like to introduce you to the first two contestants.

our first contestant is a sharp-tongued "medium" hailing from Arizona, whose signature look is a white knit cardigan.  her talent involves rapidly making vulgar gestures with her hands.  in her spare time, she enjoys talking to dead people, collecting rubies and diamonds in garbage bins, and watching carnivores (honey, did you mean cannibals?) kill each other to feed their young. she is very active in the Rent-A-Psychotic (oops ... i mean psychic) charity, whose employees regularly provide free "readings" at lavish dinner parties in the LA area. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome: Allison DuBois.



our second contestant is a happy-go-lucky New Yorker with a real love for metaphors.  her talent is rainbows, and in her spare time, this contestant enjoys ingesting mind-altering substances, from excessive sugar to a mystery substance that makes her smell like cat pee.  she also enjoys pursuing the ever elusive mental breakthrough and making lemonade.  her charity is the Parentification Society, an organization that teaches basic life skills to young children with ineffective parents (e.g., pancake making).  we look forward to the evening wear competition, where we are sure to see this contestant sporting a satchel of gold.  please put your hands together for Kelly Killoren Bensimon.

recap of the producer's cut of the dinner party from hell

the producer's cut of the dinner party from hell began with a clever replacement of the ladies' usual quotes with the most profound offensive statements the ladies made during the dinner party from hell.  it was a nice touch.

we saw Camille, D.D. and Allison pregame with cocktails the size of Shana's mouth ... and then imbibe with the rest of the guests upon their arrival. between the pregame cocktails and the limo rides to the dinner party, it was painfully obvious both ladies (Kyle and Camille) had a hand in attempting to set the other up.  and both of them knew what the other was up to - it was uncanny how quickly the word "setup" rolled off their tongues - almost as if each of them had primed themselves with the word ahead of time).

Lisa got in an extra snarky comment to make the sidekick laugh out loud ("oops, it's been canceled" about the show Medium).

the ladies were faux-graciously received upon arrival, and they responded in insincere kind.  Kyle, Shana, and Lisa plotted to test the medium (hate to ruin the surprise - but she failed with flying colors).  Camille seated her sidekicks beside her and the rest of the ladies found seats beyond the buffer.

Allison asked Kim what she was drinking, to which Kim replied that she had had about 4 cokes.  Allison then declared that Kim was far too happy to have been drinking cokes (at no point did Kim actually look happy - okay with one fleeting exception).  Allison backpedaled and told Kim that she liked her.  Kim, perhaps in an attempt to see the best in Allison or perhaps because she was just so relieved that someone had finally decided to say something nice to her, smiled and told Allison she liked her too - her vibe and energy.  and then, it was searingly painful to watch Kim's happy expression (presumably because someone was finally being nice to her, or pretending to be) fade into a skeptical smile as Allison began spouting nonsense ... and then the smile eventually degraded into open-mouthed awe (i would have to watch it again, but i think this happened right about the time when Allison declared, "it's nice to be in control of your annihilation."  the sidekick is getting a vision that Allison was far too crazy to have only been drinking coke - but then, we already know she was taking her vodka by IV that night).  Allison then calmly and rationally explained, "i'm a secretary to the dead" (in response to what, i'm not certain).

Camille obviously pretended not to know who Faye was before psychically recalling seeing Faye naked on playboy after the OJ trial.  Camille uttered a backhanded compliment about enjoying Faye's spread.  Faye and Camille argued the subtleties of porn - apparently, there are fine distinctions that the classy porn models/porn stars are privy to that distinguish them from the trashy ones.

the electronic cigarette, of course, made its appearance .. and we heard Adrienne declare it obnoxious, but Camille defended Allison's decision.  apparently the classy thing to do is not to refrain from smoking (anything) at a dinner party - the appropriate behavior is, instead, to smoke something electronic so that you yourself only inhale vapor instead of smoke.  insert jedi mind trick here.  now it makes sense.

Faye, Shana, and Lisa begged for a reading for Lisa.  Allison had clearly done her homework on british stereotypes - she declared that Lisa was stingy with her emotions (they must have edited out the part in which Allison told Lisa that Lisa's dead great uncle told her that Lisa had bad teeth).  Allison could feel the presence of Lisa's grandmother who raised Lisa ... or the mother that Lisa had needed ... or the mother that Lisa visited occasionally ... or the mother that Lisa only communicated with via letters and had never met ... or ...

Allison reminded us that she was studied for years by quacks who are not acquainted with the scientific method, and these quacks declared her sane psychic.  the part in which she tells you to look her up on wikipedia must have gotten edited out - i'm sure she didn't neglect to mention her wikipedia article because it is chock full of reasons to think she is an opportunistic fraud who capitalizes on less advantaged grieving people.

rubies and diamonds

with half an hour left until the producer's cut of the dinner party from hell, the sidekick is getting visions of rubies and diamonds.  and feeling bittersweetness as the arguably best season of real housewives really draws to a close.  until the bonus footage gets posted on bravo.  and then it is really over.  and then we have to think about learning to love another housewives franchise ...

real popularity of RHOBH

Okay, first, thanks to all for participating in the RHOBH popularity poll!

originally, i was hoping it might show that even if Kim wasn't most people's favorite, it didn't necessarily mean she was less popular than Kyle (as the polls on WWHL and reality tea seemed to suggest).  but what i think happened is that i put my poll up later and the public opinion tides had shifted.  so i didn't at all get the same results as the earlier polls (of course, it is possible that because i had so many fewer responses, my results aren't representative of the population in general - it is possible that people who favor Kim were more likely to come to my site than people who don't ... but i do kind of think maybe the change in RHOBH favorites might be real - these results seem consistent w/what i've been reading lately anyway).

so what are the results?

earlier, people were looking at the poll that asked people to vote for their favorite - and then inferring that the people who had the most votes were more popular than people with fewer votes (and of course, in a sense it is true - it just depends on how you define popularity.  but not having a lot of votes in that poll wouldn't necessarily mean that one is not popular, though - see previous post).  so i tried to replicate the poll here and show that someone might still be liked fairly well, even if not many people call them a favorite.  to some extent (especially with Camille), that seemed to happen.  in other cases, though, the people with the most favorite votes were also the people who were liked better than others, and vice versa.  after looking at the results, the order of popularity from the poll on this site was:

Kim, Adrienne, Lisa, Camille, Kyle, Shana

Kim has the most number of people thinking she is their favorite.  not only that, but when looking at how everyone (even people who don't consider her their favorite) ranked Kim relative to each of the other ladies, Kim was liked more than any other lady (yes, in some case(s), the term "lady" is used loosely).  Kim is liked by almost everyone, disliked by almost none.

Adrienne was slightly less popular than Kim (she had the second highest number of people calling her their favorite and she was liked better than each of the other ladies, aside from Kim).  almost everyone liked Adrienne and almost no one disliked her.

Lisa was third in the number of people who chose her as their favorite, and Lisa was liked better than Camille, Kyle, and Shana.  about half of the voters like Lisa, and less than a quarter of voters disliked her ... suggesting Lisa is generally (but not nearly universally) liked.  it also suggests she is a little bit polarizing - there were a sizable number of people choosing her as their favorite ... but also a sizable number of people who didn't like her.

bad acting in the limo

bravo has released the preview in which the ladies view an inappropriate picture of Camille in the limo.  and can i just say, kyle, you were a terrible actress!  you were going for shocked i assume ... instead, you hit "we-planned-this-nastiness-ahead-of-time-and-i-can-only-hope-the-picture-is-so-shocking-you-won't-know-from-my-bad-acting-that-we-planned-it-in-advance". fail.

the clip shows Faye passing around the phone - well - holding the phone up for all to see, showing Shana the picture and passing the phone to Kyle (ahem, didn't Kyle state during the reunion that she (Kyle) had started this, not Faye?  or did she just say that it was she (Kyle) who showed the pics to everyone else? either way, deceptive) ... and then Kyle ripped Camille apart saying that Camille thinks everything is a set up ... Kyle, your conscience called.  it misses you.

character assassination.  Camille is delusional and paranoid, don't believe anything she says.  Kim has substance abuse problems and is, therefore, crazy.  don't believe her either.  i'm an unfortunate victim.  it worked for a while ... and despite how very, very, very much i want to like Kyle ... there are no excuses.  had it been a spontaneous porn fest, it still would not have been a good or classy thing to do ... but people would relate to the desire to do something like that to someone who just made rude comments about your friend's playboy sessions.  but there is no way this was spontaneous ... so Kyle, were you and Faye, in fact, baiting Camille all through the dinner?

buying our love?

oh Shana, are you trying to buy our affections?  really?

Shana is holding a contest to pick the grammy winners ... and you could win a season swag bag for guessing correctly.  Shana, if i win, could i exchange my swag bag for a genuine apology to Kim?  you know, maybe a one to two page essay in which you (1) admit what you did, (2) explain why you did it, (3) explain why it was wrong, (4) express that you are sorry you did it, and (5) explain what you will do in the future so as to work very hard to not repeat the offense.  500 words. typed.  double spaced.

i don't have children yet, but if my hypothetical little dear ones ever transgress, i will calmly ask them these questions before they leave time out ... and then i'll tell them i love them.  maybe you should sit in time out until you are ready to write your essay.  and maybe when you are done, i, and perhaps others, would try to forgive you.  until then, i'm afraid your material goods cannot win over my heart.  no hand-wavy-jedi-magic-distract-us-from-what-happened-tricks are going to distract us from your horrific treatment of Kim.

(by the way, time out means you sit on the time out stool and think about what you have done.  that's it.  though, i know someone who has an even more extreme form of time out (reserved for really, really bad behavior).  it's called Amish lockdown.  basically, during the lockdown, if the Amish aren't allowed to do it, neither are you.  you might try it).

Jill Zarin, omniscient

after gaining a great deal of notoriety by persecuting Bethenny in the last season of the real housewives of new york, i'm wondering whether Jill Zarin has reformed ... if for no other reason than to save her public image and sell more stuff.  the sidekick is getting a vision ... yes ... getting clearer now.  can we expect to see a reformed Jill Zarin?  the answer is .... sit tight, there is still more wretched or disingenuous behavior to come.  from the goings in in the twitter universe, she appears to be plugging away (literally - she has many wares to peddle) ... and continues to be quite tight with Kelly (um, joking aside - i really do truly hope Kelly got some help ... the end of last season was just not at all a pretty sight ... professional help was obviously needed ... and though i'm sure it made for great ratings, she is a human being and i would really find it incredibly sick if they signed her up for more tv time when she was clearly not at all in a state to do it).  but anyway, let's get back to jill in all her glory and omniscience.

Jill tweeted:

Any good new housewife blogs for me to read? I missed reunion and finale last week. I like to read your perspectives. I will RT if good!

setting aside the issue, of course, that Jill has appointed herself supreme judge of whose blogged opinions are "good," Jill didn't retweet any of the approx. 9 blogs that were sent to her (yes, i sent her this one ... but no, i guess i didn't really expect her to plug my conspiracy theories and consternation for villains .. (cough, cough Shana) ... but a girl could hope for a diverse blog following ;).  nonetheless, because i was so very irritated that the supreme judge of all that is good and holy failed to plug any of the solicited blogs, i was morally obligated to tweet a snarky comment ala @jillzarin (yeah, it was a snarky thing to do):

lost footage

last night's lost footage was mildly disappointing.  we found out:

Giggy is one sick little puppy with alopecia and extreme itching, whose breeder suggested putting him down while his vet gave him prescriptions instead.

Kim was devastated by the murder of her fiance, John Collett two decades ago. she and Kyle visited an opportunistic sidekick psychic who didn't hesitate for a second to convince Kim that her departed love was present in the room.  she swayed the pair with "psychic" information widely available on the internet, such as the fact that her fiance had left this world without much closure.  Kyle and Kim forgave the sidekick's psychic's blatant use of the internet with its account of the widely publicized murder-for-hire plot and/or her ability to keep up on hollywood gossip.  they also forgave her comment that John had had a crooked tooth (um ... even if he did, didn't they show her a photo?).  rather than question the psychic's assertions that they had all just witnessed Kim's other-worldly make out session, Kyle just wished Kim would find someone within the realm of the living.

while Kyle was keeping Portia company in her crib, her husband was (wasted?) and wearing an even more intoxicated gangly, blonde, morally questionable, s@#%!y female party guest around his neck.  Mauricio made googly eyes while she whispered x-rated sweet nothings in his ear.  fractions of a second before Kyle bounded at the pair like a bat out of hell, their young teenage daughter slipped under Mauricio's arm, attempting to save her parents' marriage and lure him back to fidelity.  Kyle and the drunken @#$%! exchanged heated diatribe before the latter was banished from the party.  surprisingly, Kyle directed all of her rage at the departing guest ... but none at her fully grown husband who, when left alone for a few minutes in their very own backyard, had allowed the situation to transpire.  unless, of course, bravo is holding out on us again and decided not to show the fallout.  (hmm ... makes one wonder whether Camille had any dirt on Mauricio when making the snide comment about him loving women ... or whether she just noticed he is flirty and jumped to her own conclusions ... and in either case, whether she fed that information to allison before the dinner party from hell)

juicy info re Kyle vs. Camille

okay, i need to share some very juicy (but unverified) gossip.  apparently, another blogger found out from a housewife's hairdresser that the reason that everyone has been giving evasive answers about what really happened in vegas is because of a bravo gag order.  yep, the ladies were not allowed to talk about what happened during the discussion because there was a piece of information bravo didn't want everyone to know.  apparently, what really happened was: Kyle and Camille were talking about spring break.  Kyle wanted to know why bravo was sending the only available camera crew with Camille (when Kelsey wasn't even going) instead of sending the camera crew to Mexico (given that Kyle's whole family was going to Mexico).  sooo ... maybe there was a misunderstanding: maybe Kyle didn't understand why viewers would be interested in Camille's spring break if she was just going with the kids and no one else (and maybe she didn't mean why would Camille be interesting without "big shot" Kelsey, but Camille was just sensitive about it) ... or maybe Kyle really did mean why would anyone be interested in Camille without Kelsey.

in any case, it explains a lot: it explains why Kim was so evasive when answering questions - why she couldn't seem to give a straight answer.  it explains why during the reunion, Camille seemed to accuse Kyle of asking why she (Camille) hadn't asked any of the other ladies to go on the Hawaii trip with her (to which Kyle retorted that this was the first time Camille had told this particular story).  it also explains why Camille was making strange insinuations during interviews about not being allowed to talk about certain things.  finally, it would explain why Camille would have been unsatisfied with the apology that Kyle made to her in new york.


why didn't bravo want us to know?  rumor is ... apparently ... that their budget was small ... and they didn't want us to know that?  but apparently the budget was the cause for the limitations in camera crews and filming capabilities ...

maybe the lost footage will tell us more?  in any case, to read more, my source for this juicy gossip was the sketch42 blog.

(and if anyone from bravo reads this, would you please just tell us the truth one way or the other?)

Twitter @RHSidekick

RHOBH popularity

i've been enjoying the reality tea website, and there was recently some discussion about whether the polls on bravo and on that website were accurate with regard to who the most popular housewife was.  i started commenting on that site, but i thought it was worth a post explaining some of the issues with these polls.

on WWHL with Lisa, Andy asked everyone to vote for their favorite housewife.  Lisa got the most votes, followed by Kyle and Adrienne, then Kim, then Camille, and finally Taylor.  there were some people wondering how it could be that Kyle would be more popular than Kim - it seemed like maybe the results were off.  but reality tea also had a poll, and a similar result was found (and reality tea had a good number of people voting, so there is a good possibility to think the results are "real").  in the reality tea poll, Lisa got 47% of the vote, Kyle 24%, Adrienne 18%, Kim 6%, Camille 3%, and Taylor 2%.  so, if we assume that the polls were reasonably accurate, what does this actually mean?  does it mean that Lisa is most popular, that Kyle is more popular than Kim, that Taylor is least popular, etc.?

we would have to define what it means to be most popular.  if most popular only means that the most number of people like you best, then sure, that is a reasonable conclusion to take away from this poll.  but if most popular means that the most people view you most positively and not negatively, then no.  the poll does not at all tell us who is most popular.  below is an explanation of why and what is really going on.

asking who someone's first favorite housewife is doesn't tell us anything about who the second favorite housewife is.  what if 94% of the voters liked Kim second best, while 76% of the voters thought that Kyle was their least favorite housewife?  then who is more popular?  Kim, who is the favorite of only 6% of the people, but is second favorite for 94% of the voters?  or Kyle who is the favorite of 24% of the voters, but is the least favorite for 76% of the voters?

so ... what this shows us is that we cannot infer the order of popularity from polls like this.  how can we figure out an order of popularity?  the short answer is that it is not at all possible to have a completely fair voting system if there are more than 2 choices (see arrow's impossibility theorem, e.g., on wikipedia).  i'm tempted to demonstrate the problems (and what the real popularity standings are) by adding polls to the sidebar ... and sure, i guess i'll give it a whirl ... i'm not sure this blog has enough traffic to get a representative sample, but we can try it out.  if i get 100 votes at least, then i'll unpack what they mean for the popularity of the housewives.  if you would like to participate, what you'll have to do is vote in a bunch of different polls - but it should be quickish ;) sooo ... if you really, really want to know and don't mind doing several polls ... scroll down the sidebar and do some serious voting!  but i need you to vote in each one or else i won't be able to truly tell you what the polls say about popularity!

okay: one more issue.  i was not able to figure out how to make a poll that allows you to rank order which housewives you like.  so if you want to participate, could you just write a comment below in which you just write your order of housewives - put your favorite housewife first, second favorite second, third favorite third, etc.  you don't have to have a blogger account to post - you can even post anonymously or just make up a name below.  all righty ... here goes ...

Twitter @RHSidekick

Kyle?

i have really, really wanted to give Kyle the benefit of the doubt. and while it is still possible to do so, her behavior has posed some real challenges to doing so.  for me, the jury really is still out ... and though i want to believe the best, the best case scenario can't really incorporate all the evidence.

best case scenario:
Kyle was completely kind to Camille re: the Hawaii discussion (Camille overreacted).  Kyle really has been financially supporting her sister because Kim really has serious problems, and, although Kyle loves her, she has built up resentment, causing her to lash out or causing her to make "jokes" that don't seem terribly playful.  Kyle's mean treatment of Camille was a response to or retaliation for Camille's own nasty behavior.  Kyle really did try to protect Kim and never intended to call her an alcoholic, but it came out because Kyle was drinking and had reached her limit.  Kim's comment about the house reflected confusion on Kim's part.  at the reunion, Kyle deeply regretted her treatment of her sister and looked down in shame when people brought up Kim's alleged problem drinking, therefore failing Kim.  Kyle said she loved Kim at the reunion, but this was edited out (along with any other concessions Kyle might have made that were not shown).  nonetheless, her desire to make amends was sincere.

worst case scenario:
Kyle did ask Camille why anyone would be interested in her without Kelsey, but lied about it afterward.  Kyle deliberately tried to sabotage both Camille and Kim out of selfishness or jealousy.  Kyle had no intention of keeping Kim's alleged alcoholism secret (or Kim simply wasn't an alcoholic; rather, Kyle was) and only went to the limo out of concern for what Kim might say that would tarnish Kyle's image.  in a moment of treachery, Kyle and Mauricio swindled Kim out of a house in one way or another, and the financial support they have given Kim is nothing to speak of considering that it should be owed to her anyway.  at the reunion, Kyle was more concerned with repairing her image than she was with truly making amends with Kim - she was pretending to cry and she never told her sister she loved her.  Kyle conspired with her friends (Shana and Lisa) so that they would allude to and bring up Kim's alleged alcoholism.


the truth, like most of life, is probably somewhere in the grey.  the truth needs to account for the following information:

more Shana bullying

rather than make a whole new post just to add a couple extra insights, i'll tag them on the backs of existing posts.

first, i've already argued the case that Shana is the biggest bully (though in the post i may have been overly generous to Kyle ... but a new post on Kyle on the whole is forthcoming).  i just wanted to add another instance of Shana's bullying.  during the reunion, in an attempt to show solidarity with Camille and group loyalty or something, Shana threatens anyone who has ever said anything nasty about Camille.  she says that if anyone said that about Camille in front of any of the RHOBH, they would have a problem on their hands and makes quite the menacing look.  while it is nice to make a supportive gesture to Camille, and while it might have been fair to point out that calling someone nasty names is not nice (yet accepting the fact that people discuss what they watch on television and if someone has behaved poorly, people are going to talk about the fact that the behavior was any number of nasty things that it was), Shana didn't win any friends in this instance of attempted bullying.

interesting that Shana is the one who says about Kim: "she doesn't like conflict with whom?" because the same logic applies to Shana.  Shana argues that she doesn't like violence against her (or anyone she might classify into her in-group) ... but she certainly doesn't mind making threatening comments against Kim or cowards behind computers.

compassion for Camille

Camille has come across terribly all season.  she has behaved in catty and, at times, nasty ways.  she has practically begged us not to take her seriously (and practically begged us to fear she could steal away the affections of romantic partners) with her breathy manner of speaking, faux coy giggles and shoulder shrugs, and with her big dopey eyed looks.  and, in a PR nightmare, Camille has blamed the editing for how badly she came across.  but ... let's imagine for a second that, though the editing didn't put hateful or pretentious sentences in Camille's mouth, perhaps the editing left out the circumstances that nudged Camille toward the nastiness ... and yes, Camille crossed the line and some of her behavior was unconscionable regardless of the circumstances ... but let's imagine all she is asking is for us to consider the whole picture.

ok so ... Kyle and Camille disagreed about what was said about the Hawaii trip - and this led to some bad feelings.  during the reunion, Kim affirmed what Kyle claimed happened ... and then Kim said "and the next thing i knew, she [Kyle] was crying."  so ... Kim, did you not hear what happened in between?  did you not want to say what happened in between?  during an earlier interview, Kim had said she was hesitant to speak up, partly because she didn't know who would take it the wrong way - and seemed legitimately concerned about making any of them (sister or not) angry with her.  at one point, Kim said to Kyle, "but you did say, 'so he's not going?'" it kind of seemed like Kim could see Camille's perspective on the disagreement.  even if we were to make no assumptions about Kyle's intentions, Kim could, at the least, understand why Camille felt the way she did.  and no doubt Kyle struck a nerve, but i've already blogged that topic to death.  maybe Kyle did sound really incredulous of Camille's plans (and maybe Kyle didn't explicitly say what Camille claimed she said - but maybe she did insinuate it, and maybe that is why Kim had trouble speaking up and figuring out what to say ... or maybe Kyle just thought it was strange and failed to disguise her incredulity, even if she meant nothing by it ... in either case, it seemed like Kim possibly saw both of their points of view).  but what happened after Camille told Kyle she could feel her tension and asked why Kyle had a problem with Camille's plans?  what led to Kyle being in tears?  did Camille resort to saying something vicious?  if Kyle ended up in tears, why didn't Kyle ever talk about what Camille said or did that was so attacking that it brought her to tears?


On Jimmy Kimmel, Camille alluded to an incident that happened in vegas the day after everyone was drunk (read: presumably after the Kyle and Camille misunderstanding): there was a discussion of whether Camille (or someone else) would do a shoot for Maxim while in Hawaii.  who is the someone else? was the someone else hoping Maxim would have chosen them instead?  had the someone else been asked? was it Kyle?  Faye?  was this incident related in any way to Kyle's tears the previous night?  all i know is i sure hope to see some footage ... or that bravo would just lift the stupid gag order already.  Camille has gone out of her way to let us know she isn't allowed to talk about something ... or she is being very clever and insinuating that there is something that would make us side with her, but she isn't allowed to talk about it ... ever ... just enough info to muddy the waters but not enough info to be held accountable for the insinuation ... interesting ... hopefully we'll find out one way or another.  bring on the extra footage!

paradigm shift

hate to say it ... really, really, really, really wanted to believe the best about as many of the ladies as possible ... but close inspection has prompted a bit of shifting in my paradigms.  more to come ... a fresh look at Kyle ... new compassion for Camille ... and the lie detector applied to Lisa ... as soon as i have enough time to type out my thoughts.

RHOBH soundtrack

i would kind of like to see ABBA as the soundtrack for the RHOBH ...(and maybe have the ladies perform their theme song ... that would be highly entertaining):

Camille - The Winner Takes It All
Kim - Under Attack
Shana - Money, Money, Money
Kyle - He is Your Brother
Lisa - Every Good Man
Adrienne - ? ? ?

Shana conspiracy

hmm ... fishy, fishy, fishy.  Shana finally apologized to Kim in her blog:

"Kim and I got off on the wrong foot from the beginning. I wish I could turn back time, reach out to her, and take the time to understand her better. I am sorry for arguing with her and for allowing myself to get so frustrated that I said things I didn’t mean. "


interesting.  maybe she's been tapping into the reactions of the cowards ... given that her attempts to emotionally manipulate them did not work (i.e., trying to bully people out of a behavior (blogging about her in an unfavorable way) by calling anyone who blogs about her in an unfavorable way a coward ... your bullying has no power in the blogosphere, Shana).


nonetheless, the sidekick is still not satisfied.  Shana has never fully acknowledged what she actually did.  the sidekick was hoping that on watch what happens live, Lisa would have revealed a bit more (because, let's be honest, Lisa must know).  so it makes me wonder ... perhaps there was a conversation on the plane that Lisa doesn't want to get out either.  during the NY fight episode, Camille asked about how the plane ride was, Lisa said it was fine and she had sat with Shana ... seemed painfully obvious that Shana stirred up the trouble by repeating her and Lisa's conversation - could it be that Lisa had probed for information about Camille from Shana?  could it also be that Shana had already chatted with Camille and Lisa, therefore, had elicited some information?  if so, poor Kim just got caught in the crossfire.  Shana was the one talking about Camille's feelings of insignificance in the airport .. Kim asked a clarifying question ... and suddenly Kim became the sacrificial lamb.  Kim tried to stand up for Kyle by speaking up to say it was Shana who had suggested Camille was insecure ... but Kyle just wasn't listening to her.  and Kim suffered for telling the truth and for trying to have her sister's back.  Kim was betrayed for the sake of people who had caused the trouble in the first place.

RHOBH lie detector

i had so much fun detecting Cedric's lies that i decided to watch a couple more interviews and play lie detector test.

let's start with the drunken antisocial train wreck pretending to be a medium (yes, Allison DuBois).  in an interview, she describes how accurate she thinks the show Medium is to her life.  in particular, she talks about how she and her daughter (on both an episode of the show and, allegedly, in real life) could see a child who had died (but appeared to everyone else to be an imaginary friend).  supposedly, they could both see the child because they were mediums.  but, oh, she is just too freaking easy.  before each of the big whoppers she tells, her eyes shoot up and to the left.  at 33 seconds into the clip, glance up to the left just before saying the imaginary friend was really a child who had died.  at 37 seconds, glance up to the left just before saying, "fortunately, i could see the child."  (also, looks like she was lying at 1:03 when she talks about how it was her idea for the episode for which Patricia Arquette won the Emmy - eyes go up to the left a few times while she constructs the story).
verdict: big fat liar

next, i looked to the reunion to see how many lies i could detect - we'll see how many of the issues get additional treatment in the lost footage ... that way, i can really test out whether my lie detector performs better than chance.  ok ... based on eye gaze, facial gestures, and body movements, the sidekick has identified statements that seemed to have high, moderate, and low likelihoods of being lies.  i've left out comments from Ken and Lisa because they will have their own lie detector post - they were quite difficult to read and need a bit more space than others.

the following statements from the reunion shows seemed to have a moderately high to high probability of being lies:

Taylor Strike

until Bravo adequately grills Taylor Armstrong for her parts in causing dissension (and pushes her to own everything she did, not just the lip service to owning her actions (pun intended)), the sidekick will commence a Taylor strike: that is, will no longer refer to this cast member as "Taylor" and will instead use the name "Shana" (as in Shana Hughes or Shana Ford).  it may not actually do anything, but at least it might be fun to refuse to play make believe with Shana and to refuse to indulge her creative interpretations of reality. from here on out, all blogs and tweets will reference Shana, not Shana's alias.

RHONY delay

RHONY season 4 will no longer begin this month ... and will be replaced with real housewives of miami instead (feb 22 premiere).  looks like RHONY is scheduled for the spring.

cast members of RHONY are tweeting that it is a good thing and that very good things come to those who wait. apparently filming only ended last week, so the delay is a result of someone overestimating how ready they would be ... and during every other season, there has always been a lot more time between finishing filming and the premiere.  in the twitter universe, the cast members are (almost defensively?) proclaiming this season to be the best RHONY season yet, even though Bethenny is not in it.  (perhaps the defensiveness is understandable - rumors have widely circulated that there the season was lacking in drama and bravo is attempting to doctor it up a bit to make the most of what they had ... but those are just rumors .. and Simon for one has been ardently denying them).

nonetheless, the delay is self-perpetuating cycle of disaster for bravo.  whether it was true that the season was boring and it led to increased filming and increased defensiveness of the cast (which then led to increased public conviction that the show will, in fact, be boring) ... or whether it is true that the sentiment that the show was expected to be boring was simply an unfounded rumor that led the cast to become increasingly defensive and then led to the public conviction that the show is boring ... in either case, not a good way to start a season.  add in a dash of defensiveness about being in Bethenny's shadow ... and you have a recipe for disaster.  perhaps bravo needs to invest a little more in better PR experts.

some fans are pacified with the debut of RHMIA ... but others are going into a general uproar and threatening to boycott Miami.  time will tell.

Camille on season 2

sidekick powers tell me ... Camille has no intention of going anywhere and is planning to be back for season 2 ...

on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Jimmy referenced the fact that after her divorce, Camille would no longer be a housewife.  Camille's response?

"technically, no, but i can still be on the show."  it was a slight little jump there - he didn't explicitly ask about the show.  also, her choice of grammar was: "i can" not "i could" ... slight distinctions that suggest she is probably planning to be back.  Jimmy must have caught on to this because he then asks her if she wants to come back, given that she has vocalized not liking how she was depicted, yet there she is promoting the show.  then Camille (suddenly conscious that she may have given away her intent to return??) said she is under contract.  this, of course, leaves the sidekick wondering how the contract works - the stars are expected to do specific interviews like The View, Joy Behar, Ellen, Jimmy Kimmel, etc.?  was Kim's contract different, or did she get out of her obligation to appear on Ellen?

Jimmy pokes fun at Camille: do you think you have been villainized or that you have villainized others?  Camille laughs and says the public might think both.  he asks her about her tiff with Kyle, and Camille strongly alludes to the fact that under her contract with Bravo, she is not allowed to reveal certain information: she suggested that something happened in vegas that no one knows about and she isn't allowed to tell anyone (the day after everyone was drunk - not while anyone was drunk).  following a little additional prodding, Camille uttered something about a discussion of whether she was going to do a shoot for Maxim while in Hawaii, or if it would be someone else.  intriguing.  combine this with a recent reaction from Kyle to the previews for the lost footage (in which Kyle voiced the desire to leave the country) and we have an interesting situation developing.  will we get additional clarity on their enmity?

Cedric's tells

because Lisa is too classy to fight this battle (or because Lisa may or may not have something to hide by not fighting it), i'm going to tell a few of my secrets.

shhh ... i'm not really psychic ... i'm just aware of the tactics that "psychics" use - kind of like the ones Allison DuBois uses to trick people, except that she really sucks at them.  oh, and except that i'm forever in student loan debt because i choose not to exploit grieving parties with tall tales of communicating with their deceased loved ones.  but let's try to keep my secrets hush, hush, shall we?  would hate for everyone to know the real housewives sidekick is just a sidekick and not a psychic.

okay, so let's take a look at Cedric's interview.  some of what he says may be true.  some of it is rehearsed, and potentially a lie.  and some of it is most likely a spontaneous lie.

the spiel in which Cedric declares he lived with Ken and Lisa for 6 months and was asked to move back in with them because Lisa lied to Bravo and said he still lived with them was rehearsed.  Cedric was more highly aroused at this point than during other instances of being on camera.  his mouth was dry (hence the frequent licking of his lips - e.g., right before he said that Lisa lied and said he lived with them).  he nervously touches his ear/pushes his hair back (e.g., right before he said that 2 years ago he lived with them for 6 months).  his body is in constant swaying motion.  he is blinking his eyes excessively and having trouble maintaining eye contact with the interviewer.  and, quite notably, at breaks in the rehearsed lines, his eyes gaze (up and) to the left - suggesting he is creating a story.  the above clip even begins with a major upward left glance while Cedric brushed his hair aside.  also, they look again to the left when Cedric reasserts he moved out after 6 months (at about 15 seconds into the clip).

RHOBH in the news

the ladies (sans Kim) appeared on the Ellen DeGeneres show.  Adrienne discussed the 911 call for Charlie Sheen, who had been experiencing stomach cramps (in the 911 call, sounded like Paul told them Charlie didn't want to have 911 called, but he was really, really intoxicated - good job Paul, way to be a potentially life-saving friend).  Kyle revealed she was unsure of whether Kim would rejoin the cast the following season, and indicated that Kim was not comfortable around the RHOBH crowd.  gee, whatever could have caused that discomfort?  Taylor wishes the best for Kim and states they get along one on one.  (of course they get along one on one - the only reason they don't get along in a group is because Taylor is terrified Kim will speak up and shatter the very delicate facade of deceitfulness that Taylor has worked hard to construct).  in an effort to reduce passive aggressive mean girl behavior during future episodes of the RHOBH, Ellen presented each of the ladies with pink, sequin-encrusted boxing gloves.

Camille told Joy Behar that Kelsey was too busy watching Fox News to engage in marital intimacy.  although dropping the Fox News name might turn some people against Kelsey given Fox's reputation, it's unlikely Fox is to blame for the disintegration of their sex lives.  Camille, have you stopped to consider that Kelsey was getting his satisfaction elsewhere (not forgoing sex for Fox News)?  perhaps we'll find out on Jimmy Kimmel tonight.

and finally - apparently, Cedric's getting a full interview on E! news tonight at 7 and 11.30.  looks like he found a way to sell out.

update on Cedric's interview/feature on E! News:

Cedric has already found a chump to "help him get on his feet."  yes, that is right, someone is chump enough to believe he is attempting to get on his feet and has hired him as her manny to look after her children.  who? Brandi Glanville, former wife of Eddie Cibrian.  in his interview, Cedric made several controversial claims:

- Ken and Lisa pretend to be a tight couple, but makes Cedric want to vomit because he knows the truth.

- Cedric only lived with Ken and Lisa 6 months (echo of what was said during the reunion)

- Lisa is beautiful, but insecure (umm ... really?  yes, all people have some insecurities - but Lisa's don't manifest themselves particularly)

really?  that was the exclusive interview?  those were his juicy secrets?  ridiculous.

what's next?

Bravo isn't going to miss out on capitalizing on the real housewives of beverly hills during tv sweeps week(s)!

so ... rumor has it two more episodes are coming.  lost footage next week and then the producer's cut of the dinner party from hell the following week.  can we please hook Taylor up to a lie detector on watch what happens live?  pretty please? ask about the reasons for all the name changes, her husband's business practices, and just how much backstabbing she did?

otherwise, it's welcome back to (most of) the ladies from my own fine city - real housewives of new york begins on tuesday, feb 15.

reunion, part 2

all the respect in the world to Kyle and Kim for choosing to keep very personal issues private.  best wishes to them for deep healing and reconciliation.

in general news, Kim revealed that she did not remember Kyle saying what Camille had accused her of saying (and let's be honest, Kim's memory has been impressive in the footage that was shown).  the only trouble: Kyle was shaking her head (in the no-ward direction) while Kim was speaking.  sidekick powers are suggesting Kyle was shaking her head because of a "too little too late" sentiment ... but could be taken to mean Kim was not telling the truth.  sidekick powers suggest if Kim were being untruthful, though, Kyle or Camille might have stepped in.  the behavior was a bit puzzling.

Adrienne made so many sweet, subtle, supportive gestures toward Kim - heartwarming.  love Adrienne.  all the appreciation in the world for Adrienne for the way that she calmly and kindly sticks up for others.  though even Adrienne couldn't hide the awkwardness of the suggestion of setting Kim up with one of her brothers.  is the sidekick the only one who doesn't think Kim's problems will be solved by another man?  she needs love, trust, and companionship ... but also needs to feel like she has a good enough handle on her sense of self before plunging into a romantic relationship. at least she seems to have reconsidered having the other housewives set her up (and i do mean set her up).

best(?) of Camille

- "i flew my designer, Ken, in, first class, just for the afternoon"

- "she really acted like a crazed homeless woman"

- "in the terms of, like, pecking order, my husband is higher on the list.  my husband is an a-list celebrity.  he's in a successful play.  he's won emmies, golden globes.  he's celebrated.  he's respected in his community.  there's a big difference between that and the local beverly hills realtor."

- when talking to Taylor regarding inviting Allison Dubois to the dinner circus party from hell: "my girl friend Allison does like to drink.  she enjoys a cocktail, and when she has too many, she may hit below the belt."  shoulders shrug inward.  shifty eye movement. fake giggle.

- holding a pink shirt in her closet: "i love this. look at this." pointing to the front of the shirt.  "that's a screw.  and on the back it says you." classy, Camille.

- "you know how i know her? i saw her naked on playboy.  that's how i know Faye ... and i have to say, i loved your spread."  smug, self-satisfied smile. glance to a sidekick. coy caress of her own hair.

- "be honest - do you really want to go there?  cause she might pull stuff some people might not want to hear ... so if somebody's husband is cheating on them or [sumpin], she'll know."

- "did i think it was a setup? yeah, absolutely.  i think Faye was there to be Kyle's wingman." downward gaze away from the camera and shifty movements, turning from side to side.

- after Kim said to Camille, "i came to you and asked, 'where did this all come from?', and you said Taylor ..." suddenly it was Taylor explosion, general descent into bloody horror, and Camille erupting into smug, self-satisfied smiles and sideways glances.

- "he loves more than his nannies." fake giggle.  smug, self-satisfied smile.  shoulders shrugging inward.  shifty movements.