Tuesday, February 15, 2011

recap of the producer's cut of the dinner party from hell

the producer's cut of the dinner party from hell began with a clever replacement of the ladies' usual quotes with the most profound offensive statements the ladies made during the dinner party from hell.  it was a nice touch.

we saw Camille, D.D. and Allison pregame with cocktails the size of Shana's mouth ... and then imbibe with the rest of the guests upon their arrival. between the pregame cocktails and the limo rides to the dinner party, it was painfully obvious both ladies (Kyle and Camille) had a hand in attempting to set the other up.  and both of them knew what the other was up to - it was uncanny how quickly the word "setup" rolled off their tongues - almost as if each of them had primed themselves with the word ahead of time).

Lisa got in an extra snarky comment to make the sidekick laugh out loud ("oops, it's been canceled" about the show Medium).

the ladies were faux-graciously received upon arrival, and they responded in insincere kind.  Kyle, Shana, and Lisa plotted to test the medium (hate to ruin the surprise - but she failed with flying colors).  Camille seated her sidekicks beside her and the rest of the ladies found seats beyond the buffer.

Allison asked Kim what she was drinking, to which Kim replied that she had had about 4 cokes.  Allison then declared that Kim was far too happy to have been drinking cokes (at no point did Kim actually look happy - okay with one fleeting exception).  Allison backpedaled and told Kim that she liked her.  Kim, perhaps in an attempt to see the best in Allison or perhaps because she was just so relieved that someone had finally decided to say something nice to her, smiled and told Allison she liked her too - her vibe and energy.  and then, it was searingly painful to watch Kim's happy expression (presumably because someone was finally being nice to her, or pretending to be) fade into a skeptical smile as Allison began spouting nonsense ... and then the smile eventually degraded into open-mouthed awe (i would have to watch it again, but i think this happened right about the time when Allison declared, "it's nice to be in control of your annihilation."  the sidekick is getting a vision that Allison was far too crazy to have only been drinking coke - but then, we already know she was taking her vodka by IV that night).  Allison then calmly and rationally explained, "i'm a secretary to the dead" (in response to what, i'm not certain).

Camille obviously pretended not to know who Faye was before psychically recalling seeing Faye naked on playboy after the OJ trial.  Camille uttered a backhanded compliment about enjoying Faye's spread.  Faye and Camille argued the subtleties of porn - apparently, there are fine distinctions that the classy porn models/porn stars are privy to that distinguish them from the trashy ones.

the electronic cigarette, of course, made its appearance .. and we heard Adrienne declare it obnoxious, but Camille defended Allison's decision.  apparently the classy thing to do is not to refrain from smoking (anything) at a dinner party - the appropriate behavior is, instead, to smoke something electronic so that you yourself only inhale vapor instead of smoke.  insert jedi mind trick here.  now it makes sense.

Faye, Shana, and Lisa begged for a reading for Lisa.  Allison had clearly done her homework on british stereotypes - she declared that Lisa was stingy with her emotions (they must have edited out the part in which Allison told Lisa that Lisa's dead great uncle told her that Lisa had bad teeth).  Allison could feel the presence of Lisa's grandmother who raised Lisa ... or the mother that Lisa had needed ... or the mother that Lisa visited occasionally ... or the mother that Lisa only communicated with via letters and had never met ... or ...

Allison reminded us that she was studied for years by quacks who are not acquainted with the scientific method, and these quacks declared her sane psychic.  the part in which she tells you to look her up on wikipedia must have gotten edited out - i'm sure she didn't neglect to mention her wikipedia article because it is chock full of reasons to think she is an opportunistic fraud who capitalizes on less advantaged grieving people.

in fairness to Allison we did see some hints of taunting behavior toward the loony sidekick.  this is where beverly hills and new york depart.  when the new york cast realized Kelly was hearing voices no one else could hear, they backed off and felt concern and sought help.  the ladies from the hills, however, poked at the loony who sees dead people.  where were the calls to producers to get Allison locked up in a mental ward or rehab until she was no longer a danger to herself or to others' reputations?  geez ladies, have you no compassion?

Allison moved in for the kill on Kyle (she was obviously waiting for the opportunity to present itself).  more footage we've already seen (Mauricio won't fulfill Kyle, yada, yada, yada) .... with some indignant, but insignificant comments from Shana and a slightly extended prediction that Mauricio would provide for Kyle and they would stay together ... but would be unhappy.  Shana and Lisa pointed out Allison's psychic blindspots regarding Kelsey and Camille, but Camille maintained the party line that Allison was, in fact, a psychic, claiming that Allison must have been reading her (Camille) instead of Kyle.

we then saw a rerun of the battle of the wingwomen - Faye and Allison duked it out.  (we already saw this ... new footage please!).  Kim covered her face in an attempt to escape witch dinner party.  more footage we already saw ... more arguments about who is talking to whom and who is boring to whom.  apparently the new insult on the playground is to insist that someone finds you more interesting than you find them. to which the only retort is to repeat what the person insulting you just said and to keep going until you can think of a new topic.  then they argued about who had better lives (i was on oprah; well i have 4 beautiful children; well i have better cardigans).

as we saw before, Shana became highly threatened by Camille bringing up the topic of the NY conflict.  Shana went ballistic and projected her voice at about 100 decibels to drown out the truth Kim began to attempt to tell (no worries - in an interview, Camille later confirmed what we have long known - that Shana was playing both sides of the fence, turning women against each other, muddying the water and framing Kim, paving the way for world war 3 between the Richards sisters).

the guests excused themselves.  not to be deterred, Kim attempted to explain what had happened to her sister.  Kyle then pulled a Shana and shouted above the sense that Kim was speaking before banishing Kim to the exile limo (claiming that she (Kyle) just wanted to go home ... but Allison played a nasty trick on Kyle and took over Kyle's body and forced her to ask the other ladies in the limo out for more drinks ... the other ladies enthusiastically agreed because if there was one thing lacking from Camille's party, it was sufficient quantities of alcohol).

we got some bonus pearls of wisdom from Allison:

"in biology, like, carnivores turn on each other.  can't we, like, say you are sick and pull you out of the mix and let them turn on each other and see who dies?  cause one of them will kill the other to feed their young if they don't eat their young.  that's those women. crazy scary" followed by a knowing wink.  allison knows crazy.

"garbage of rubies and diamonds.  they are a garbage bin of jewels."

(allison, did you just give Camille a rose?)

"lucifer has many faces."  to be fair, this statement was taken out of context.  if bravo hadn't edited out the rest of it, you would have heard allison say, "you're looking at one of them."

"ladies in the code of what they claim to be. ladies. they're not ladies." insert a really goofy, giddy grin and an almost flirtatious glance at Camille.  "they're shady ladies."

"but i profile serial killers and she's weak. she's very weak."

cut to the limo where we see some poor acting by Faye and Kyle.  the ladies armed themselves with damaging information about Camille, and then Faye brought out the goods - compromising pictures of some part of Camille's body that were too racy to be shown on television (and that Adrienne mistook to be a knee).  and she was apparently not engaged in the classy porn version that is generally respected among one's peers - it was the other kind.  Kyle feigned shock (very, very poorly).  the picture got passed around.  enter debate of who lives in multimillion dollar glass houses.

despite DD's protests to the contrary, Allison insisted Camille is incapable of standing up for herself or fighting her own battles (but Kelsey could do it for her because Kelsey is the perfect chivalrous husband who would defend his wife's honor to the death and that certainly includes kicking out unwanted houseguests ... whereas Camille is a sweet baby angel who is too innocent to even tie her own shoes ... if you had any doubt of Allison's psychic gifts, put them to rest here).  Camille appeared to experience a bit of ambivalence - here was a real live example of someone belittling her and championing Kelsey (the very type of interaction that Camille is perhaps rightfully sensitive to - you can see her face fall) ... but then Allison tossed her a compliment about how well she fit the uber-feminine roll (sweet angel).  so Camille was left with a decision point - does she want to continue to be the object in others' lives (and accept the compliment, play nice so as not to lose the sweet angel status, and fade into the background ... until her anger bubbles up in passive aggressive cattiness because it has no other outlet)? or does she want to be someone who is strong and can and does fight her own battles honestly and directly?  time will tell.

finally, bravo concluded with a giant slap to Allison's face that only a psychic could have prevented: after showing additional footage that portrayed Allison as a serious contender for the highly coveted bravo Miss Psychotic award (as in - after showing footage that had originally been edited out), bravo concluded with the statement that Allison blames the fact that she came across so poorly on the editing.  apparently, to Allison, coming across poorly means having one's sanity overestimated.  feel the burn.

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