Thursday, February 10, 2011

buying our love?

oh Shana, are you trying to buy our affections?  really?

Shana is holding a contest to pick the grammy winners ... and you could win a season swag bag for guessing correctly.  Shana, if i win, could i exchange my swag bag for a genuine apology to Kim?  you know, maybe a one to two page essay in which you (1) admit what you did, (2) explain why you did it, (3) explain why it was wrong, (4) express that you are sorry you did it, and (5) explain what you will do in the future so as to work very hard to not repeat the offense.  500 words. typed.  double spaced.

i don't have children yet, but if my hypothetical little dear ones ever transgress, i will calmly ask them these questions before they leave time out ... and then i'll tell them i love them.  maybe you should sit in time out until you are ready to write your essay.  and maybe when you are done, i, and perhaps others, would try to forgive you.  until then, i'm afraid your material goods cannot win over my heart.  no hand-wavy-jedi-magic-distract-us-from-what-happened-tricks are going to distract us from your horrific treatment of Kim.

(by the way, time out means you sit on the time out stool and think about what you have done.  that's it.  though, i know someone who has an even more extreme form of time out (reserved for really, really bad behavior).  it's called Amish lockdown.  basically, during the lockdown, if the Amish aren't allowed to do it, neither are you.  you might try it).

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